Aai La! She-lie-a!

Delhi CM Sheila Dixit was at her charming best yesterday while discussing the Monday rain blues. An excerpt from a TV interview:

Reporter: What do you have to say about the rain situation in Delhi, Ma'am?
CM SD: I don't understand what you people want! First you complain that there is no rain, the land is dry and parched, as if it is my mistake. And then when it rains, your complaints are louder. Pehle rote hain log ki baarish nahin aayi, phir rote hai ki itni baarish kyun aa gayi. Please decide what you want from life. This kind of confusion in not healthy.

Reporter: But Ma'am people were stranded on Delhi roads! There were jams that lasted from 5 to 7 hours!
CM SD: It is the story of just one day. Just one solitary single day that a jam lasted till such odd hours. And, again, why the grumble? People have been provided with natural swimming pools, that too for free! I am told vehicles turned into road-side stationary discotheques. Such a lot of fun! And, really, forces of nature were unleashed on Monday. Delhi was blessed with exceptional record-breaking rain. We have no control over it. Do you think I can compete against God himself? Mausam Ka Luft Uthaiye!
By the way, doesn't jam have an expiry date? I didn't know jam lasted just a few hours. What's the food world coming to?

Reporter: Is Delhi ready for the Common Wealth Games yet? Would Delhi be paralyzed similarly and will she be brought down on her knees during the games?
CM SD: My dear lady, the Common Wealth Games are due to take place in October. The rain Gods don't visit Delhi during that month. Please get your facts right. I am afraid to say, but you have a long way to go.

Personally, I think the reporter deserves plaudits and praise for not laughing out loud during the interview. And that's because most of what has been documented above is true, albeit a little of mirch-masala here and there.

Shouldn't we be thanking God, and not the rain ones, that it isn't July all through the year in Delhi? And really, can Dixit ma'am be really blamed for shrugging her responsibility so nonchalantly? Didn't the Congress win in Delhi emphatically and categorically? Aren't we the citizens responsible, somewhere and somehow, for this casual indifference? Looks like a topic worthy of a Freud-Jung debate.

Pic of the Year!

Courtesy: The Times Of India

Are these dudes kewl or are these dudes kewl? :P

Harry Potter and the Nostalgia of July

Not that I have ever denied it, but for the record, I am a huge Harry Potter fan. I simply adore the 7 books. And all this sudden outpouring of love for Harry is because I caught the 6th movie over the weekend and it brought back all the wonderful memories of the eager wait that used to precede the release of the HP books, and since most of them were made public in the month of July- that's what triggered the reminiscence.

I read the first one in 2001, a good 4 years after its release. I had obviously read reviews about it- mostly in Delhi Times that used to feature articles that talked about the controversies surrounding the book. The fact that the book dealt with witchcraft and wizardry ended up disturbing Christian sensibilities. And honestly, I never really acknowledged the fan-following the book was generating because I thought it was just a case of plain old hype.

And that's exactly what I kept on feeling till I read the book- my first impression though was that it is like an elongated and expanded Matilda- the Roald Dahl book that was about a young orphan girl who discovers that she can perform magic. But, of course, in the Harry Potter universe, magic is the magic word. It's all about how wizards and witches live all over the world, unknown and hidden from the non-magical people- the Muggles. It's all about spells and potions and charms and brooms and wands and hexes and jinxes and creatures and generally, a whole lot of enchantments.

To all those people whom I still haven't pestered enough, please go ahead and read the series. And no, it's not a book just for kids; the whole series teaches you so much- of the power of friendship, of the strength of innocence, of the inspiration of bravery, of the blindness of power, of the price of cowardice, of the gifts of perseverance and quite a few other thingies.

And since I'm getting all nostalgic, just a few tidbits (all personal, of course):

• The 5th book is the most disappointing in the series.
• The books were always ridiculously priced.
• I cried my heart out when Dumbledore died. I read the book again and then cried all over again. Now, since I have read the book a number of times, I no longer cry but it still is the saddest death in the series.
• Lord Voldermort is an exceptionally engaging and interesting villain and he has been played to a T by Ralph Fiennes.
• I discovered an anomaly between the 6th and the 7th books.
• It was an immense relief when Harry survived at the end of the series.
• I have 2 copies of the 7th book.
• I have no freaking idea what are Warner Bros. playing at with the movie franchise- the movies are turning out to be big disappointments.
• And most importantly, I am still waiting for my letter from Hogwarts and I think I'd make an extremely good witch!

A tale of 3 subzees

As obtained from the green archives:

Once upon a time (actually all the time) in the garden of loathsome vegetables grew a family of herbaceous plants designated the Gourd family. The Gourd clan, a notoriously prestigious family line, flourished and flaunted its lineage by controlling of the growth of the various varieties of greens in their designated patch of land. The Gourds, it seemed, did have every reason to be as snobbish as they were, as according to legend the ancestors of their species were the oldest plants domesticated by humans. What an honor!

Leading the pack of the trouble-causing Gourdonians was the tall, lanky Bottle Gourd. BG aka Calabash aka Ghiya aka Lauki was the ring leader of the brat pack. Mr. Ghiya was responsible for organizing and coordinating all the mayhem in the Gourd garden. He led his life by the rule- when you can walk tall, why not wreck it all? His smooth toned green body was the envy of many a plants. After all, not only could BG be used as a vegetable and a delicacy with innumerable health benefits (like being a source of nutrients, aiding in the treatment of digestive and urinary problems, diabetes, high B.P. etc) but his dried outer cover could be put to use as a bottle, utensil or a pipe; in some cases it could even be used to make musical instruments like the veena- who wouldn't be proud as a peacock.
His svelte cousin Ridge Gourd aka Luffa aka Tori was famous far and wide for her dark beauty. It was rumored that her mature skin could be used as a bath sponge and scrub. And Ms. High and Mighty just also happened to be real low in saturated fats and cholesterol. No wonder her figure drew in all the catcalls. She was, in fact, the cause of frequent testosterone-induced brawls that were nastily resolved by her big b- BG.
Indian Round Gourd aka Apple Gourd aka Indian Baby Pumpkin aka Tinda was the sweet little cousin- the much pampered baby of the family. She, of course, had weight issues- after all, she was short and round. But, that in no way prevented her in carrying on with the grand tradition of the Gourdonians- that of their usage as extremely healthy food.

All in all, the Gourd family enjoyed a venerated status in the vegetable garden and lived happily ever after.

A tale of 3 subzees

As recorded in the journal of KC:

Come summers and the members of the Gourd family invariably infiltrate the vegetarian Chandra household. And lo behold the staple diet day-in and day-out starts revolving around Ghiya, Tori, Tinda. Occasionally (which translates into every 3 days), a cousin like Parwal aka Pointed Gourd or Karela aka Bitter Gourd joins the table to commemorate the parties thrown in honor of the Gourd family.

The thing is, despite the numerous qualities exhibited by the Gourds, they just happen to compete with each other in destroying the taste buds of the Chandras. (It's really just me; I'm dragging everyone else along for the fun of it.) Anyway, Ghiya tastes like aged mellowed rubber, Tori tastes like a slimy snake (not that I have ever tasted a snake, but if I were ever to one day, I'm sure I know what it would taste like) and Tinda tastes like well, Tinda. The less I talk about how Parwal and Karela taste more the better for my mental faculties and sensibilities.

The Chandra family has gone out of its way to show appreciation for the Gourd family and has composed a song which can actually be set to any tune:

We all like- Ghiya, Tori, Tinda
We crave for- Ghiya, Tori, Tinda
We'd die for- Ghiya, Tori, Tinda
What we'd do without- Ghiya, Tori, Tinda

Moral of the story: I'll have to so force myself to start liking the process of cooking!

P.S. - It's not really that I hate these vegetables, it just so happens that I'm a little tired of eating the same stuff noon and night. Believe me, I'm singing the song right now!

We Don't Need No Reservation

The dance of democracy in India makes politicians sway to varied and weird tunes. Janata Dal (United)'s Sharad Yadav threatened to consume poison if the Women's Reservation Bill is passed in Parliament. Samajwadi Party leader Mulayam Singh Yadav warned male MPs of political extinction unless they recognized the threat imposed by the enactment of the bill.

What I fail to understand is what exactly are these so-called men afraid of? After a lot of deliberation, I feel, the following could be a few plausible reasons for the terror that seems to be clutching at the hearts of male politicians:

• They feel women will steal their microphones which are frequently put to use as spears
• They feel women will grab their share of allotted seats which can be occasionally used as weapons to be flung across the floor of the house
• They feel women will surpass them in mouthing bad words and language
• They feel women will prove to be better at causing interruptions and casting aspersions while fellow MPs address the house
• They feel women will encroach upon their designated napping areas in parliament
  

C'mon Mr. Yadavs, please don't obstruct reservation for women just because of these serious issues. We promise we won't compete with you in any of these departments. And while we are at hosting the reservation party, let's go all the way- let's reserve seats for the pretty and the oh-not-so-pretty women; for the women who can cook and clean and those who can't; for those who can sing and dance and those who can't; for those who are parkati and lipstick addicts and those who aren't; for those who drink and smoke and those who don't; for those who can carry off hot pants and spaghettis and those who well, can't. Let the ball keep rolling!

Belying all the inanities above, let's have a look at hard facts. A mere 10% of the Indian parliament is represented by women. The bill, in its current form, was introduced in 1996, and the fact that even 13 years later it still hasn't been passed by any elected government highlights the depth of ingrained discrimination against females in power positions.

The whole idea of women disturbing the murky waters of an established patriarchal political system and the consequent shift in the power equation is what makes male politicians cry foul. There is no doubt that women are awfully under-represented in the Indian polity. There is also no question of the manner and form of discrimination faced by women belonging to all strata of society on an everyday basis- from female infanticide to dowry deaths, from domestic violence to honor killings, from abduction to rape, from forced prostitution to child labor, from sexual harassment to eve-teasing, from denial of education to disparity in pay packages, from sexual dynamics to casting couches, from suggestions of banning jeans to proposals of barring public drinking- the list is endless. It is exactly to reform and remove these prejudices that female concerns need to be brought to the forefront of national consciousness and who'd better do this than women themselves. Having said that, women, from all sections of this country, do need their voices to be heard and acknowledged but not simply because of their gender but because their issues need the same attention and importance as that of their male counterparts.

It's high time that the politicians and the policy makers of this nation understand and imbibe the notion that reservations are no solution to any problem. The key word is empowerment- of women, of SCs, of STs, of OBCs, of Muslims, of Christians, of gays and of all those people who are grossly misrepresented and discriminated against- be it because of their gender, caste, creed, religion, color or birth. A complete economic, social, political and legal emancipation is an urgent need of the hour.

Till the time we take to move towards solving these pertinent issues, let's start a campaign to root for a 100% reservation for women in parliament; that way we'd succeed in ensuring that a greater number of male political honchos are encouraged to take their own lives in response to an all-female threat. So many birds will be killed with just 1 act!

And as for Mr. Yadav, would you be able to choose your poison all by yourself or do you require some assistance? Please feel free to ask for help, we'd all be more than welcome to extend an unreserved hand.