Angrezi Khana Anyone?

This is an actual menu from a real restaurant at a place called Ayas, Turkey.

KUJUK AYAS FAMILY RESTRANT


INGLIZ MENUYU


SOAP


Ayas soap
Turkish tripte soap
Sheeps foot
Macaront
Water pies


EATS FROM MEAT


Deuner kepab with pi
Kebap with green pe
Kebap in paper
Meat pide
Kebap with mas patato
Samall bits of meat grilled
Almb chops


VEGETABLES


Meat in earthenware stev pot
Stfue goreen pepper
Stuffed squash
Stuffed tomatoes z
Stuffed cabbages lea
Leek with finced meat
Clery


SALAD


Brain salad
Cacik - a drink made ay ay
And cucumber


FRYING PANS


Fried aggs
Scram fried aggs
Scrum fried omlat
Omlat with brain


SWEETS AND RFUITS


Stewed atrawberry
Nightingales nests
Virgin lips
A sweet dish of thinsh of batter with butter
Banane
Meon
Leeches

Circa- 1986; Source- In Xanadu, William Dalrymple

Disclaimer!

What with Gulzar sahib being dragged into a controversy that I believe shouldn’t even exist in the first place, no one in this country seems to be creatively safe. Ibn Batuta Pehen Ke Joota, Nikal Pade Toofan Mein is the line that’s caused plagiarism charges to fly up and down, left and right. And Ibn Batuta, Bagal Mein Joota is the line that’s caused Hindi poet Sarveshwar Dayal Saxena to jump and twist in his grave. Somehow everyone seems to totally have overlooked the fact that Mr. Ibn Batuta did exist and that too non-controversially. Did he or did he not have a Joota, that’s the pertinent question to ponder over.


Anyway, what this little fracas has done is that it has made me realize that I am such a chor. Super-chor, in fact. I get inspired my some many quotes/expressions/phrases/sayings etc and these inspirations end up as titles or even sentences on my blog that I’m sure in the current let’s-give-credit-where-it’s-due atmosphere I’ll end up being beaten up by Rashtriya/AntarRashtriya Sahitya Sevak goons.


So, just so that I don’t end up in a dump or drain, I’m going to set the record straight and go ahead and express my heartfelt apologies to all those individuals to whom I may have caused irreparable harm, both knowingly or unknowingly. Additionally, I avow that no copywrite infringement was ever intended or unintended, and absolutely none whatsoever, zilch, financial gain is being made!


I am an Idiot- Are you?- To the team of Aamir, VVC and Rajkumar Hirani. And just to on the safe side, sorry Chetan too.


Back!- To my no-longer-there Yoga teacher.


Bow Wow- To the RHD and his doggy.


Shayari Sunao Madam?- To all the residents of Fatehpur Sikri including the goats.


No Kidding!- To Rakhi Sawant. Okay, strike that- no way am apologizing to her!


Aana Jaana- To the Gujjar community and as an extension to the Meenas.


Khel Khel Mein- To a lot of people here- MCD, CWG, CAG, CM SD, all the places and spots in Delhi- the list continues and so do my sorrys.


Kaminey- Dhan Te Nan!- Again, to loads of people- the entire creative of Kaminey. I am the biggest kamini!


A Sawaal of Crores- To Deepika Padukone and to Saif too- I apologize on behalf of my sister!


Bhainth of a Lifetime- To my weirdly-loving brother. If the comments are any indication, I got quite a lot of flak already.


Aai La! She-lie-a!- To Shiela Ma’am and her ideology.


Pic of the Year!- To the Pandit dudes.


Harry Potter and the Nostalgia of July- To Harry, J. K. Rowling and all the wizards and witches in the world.


A tale of 3 subzees- To Ghiya, Tori, Tinda, Parwal, Karela.


We Don’t Need No Reservation- To Pink Floyd. And no, no apologies to male politicians.


TPA- To the staff at Rockland Hospital.


AngLes and DeMoans- To the workers at Sangam theatre and the makers of “Kafann”.


Déjà Vu!- To the staff at Fortis Hospital.


Dung Ho!- To hyenas and their shit.


The thing is- did I even need to go through all this trouble? My blog is so very unknown, it may almost be non-existent in this big bad world where the words inspiration and copy can be used interchangeably. I think I’m gonna continue with the chori and bezaati, I don’t know any other form of writing and that’s the only thing I should be sorry about!

I am an Idiot. Are you?

This is to inform and educate all the dim-witted out there who haven't caught 3 Idiots yet, that they should go watch it immediately and promptly and proudly confirm their status as an Idiot.


This post is not about the merits of the film nor is it a review of the movie. Both the merits and reviews are aplenty and have already been discussed aplenty. What this post is about is my extreme happiness- happiness that I have been so right about the Hindi Film Industry. Of my belief in the "system".


The last year had been particularly path breaking- of experimental cinema, of young blood, of new visions, of varied themes, of veiled social messages, of the celebration of love and sexuality aaj kal, but most importantly of the appreciation of the viewer's mental faculties. Dev D, Gulaal, Delhi 6, Kaminey, Love Aaj Kal, Luck By Chance, New York, Paa, Rocket Singh, Wake Up Sid, 3 Idiots were all not the oh-so-typical Bollywood masala flicks. They were smart, slick, polished and professional packages. Arrival of world-class cinema at a theater near you?


It's time we understood and accepted that we make different movies; movies that suit the sensibilities of a billion plus Indians. And it is more important to remember that we'll get there. It takes time; everything does so why should the sensible movie-making business be any different? We are already seeing a resurgence of a new wave of cinema, akin to the one that permeated the Indian Film Fraternity in the 1970s to the 80s. It's not as dramatic and drastic as its 70-80s Parallel Cinema counterpart but is competitively hard-hitting and more in tune with commercial viability and the need to reach a plethora of audiences, not just a targeted viewer. It is made of people who have been brought up on movies; people who eat, drink, sleep cinema; people who understand not just the craft but the art of making films. So, even if such people make a few glitches on the path to glory, even if they stumble and slip on their way to stardom, even if they succeed in bringing only a quarter of the world to India's doorstep, so what? They'll ensure that the journey is memorable- and what's more, they'll take us along on this roller coaster.


So, why exactly am I an idiot? Simply because I believe- believe that even if Awl isn't well, Awl will be well. As they say Dil Idiot Hai, Pyaar Se Usko Samjha Le!


To an even brighter, bigger, brainier Bollywood in 2010! Amen!!!

Back!

No, I'm not giving a long-winded explanation for my absence from the blog world. What I am really giving is an account of a back-breaking pain that I had well, in my back.


It started yesterday and after prolonged pondering I have realized it was because the Yoga teacher made me do crocodile pose four, or was it five? All I know is that had I shed tears, they wouldn't have been crocodile ones. Just goes on to prove that humans shouldn't even think of competing with animals when we can't even pose like them without subjecting ourselves to intolerable pains and aches.


The unbearable agony resulted in making me look like a question mark. That's how way bent I was while trying to walk/crawl/sit/stand. Once I sat, I had no idea how I'd stand and once I stood I had no idea how I'd sit. Quite a lot of fun, all in all- believe me when every moment of your life becomes an all-encompassing mystery you do tend to enjoy it.


My favorite song these days happens to be Karvate badalte rahe saari raat hum or rather trying to karvate badlofy. Quite hummable and the song can be sung back to back during the entire process of turning on one's side. And oddly enough when after a lifetime you do manage to complete the elusive curve, by hanging on to a blanket, bedspread, bed sheet, brother, you congratulate yourself as if you've passed your endurance testing military task with flying colors. Talk about a twisted spine.


By the way, I am absolutely fine now. Ok, well, I am not a question mark anymore, more or less like a comma.


P.S. - Concerned and encouraging people- no apparent reason for staying away from the blog. I just have been plain old lazy, I guess. Posing like a possum in shav asaan.

Bow Wow

Tail of the Week

Once upon a time in the neighborhood of Vasant Kunj, two carefree sisters went out for their daily evening walk. A Rich, Handsome Dude was out too accompanied by his mean, vicious dog. The dog, being true to its evil nature, tried to attack the helpless sisters, but the RHD, being true to his heroic nature, pulled in the dog's rein in time and prevented any untoward incident. The sisters, after their cries of exclamation, were just about in the process of thanking their savior when he severely scolded his canine companion and shouted "Pagal Hai Kya Tu?". The sisters tried to curb their laughter but to no avail and they chuckled happily ever after.

Don't really know the end of the tale as couldn't stay back long enough to hear the dog's arguments!

Inspirational Messages!

I, like quite a few people, have been at the receiving end of particularly inspirational SMSs over the past few days:

From INLD

Sab ko bijli, paani, rozgar milega.
Haryana wasio ka bhavishy khilega.
Oct 13 ko Haryana me fir se khushhali laye.
Ainek pe buttton dabakar INLD ki sarkar banaye.

Haven't really been so very poetically inspired to vote before.

From Be Safe

This Diwali Save India from Fake Notes (Nakli Note).
Gift Fake Note Detector, Paper Shredder, Currency Counting Machine, Electronic Safe.

Haven't really been so very genuinely inspired to gift either!

Shayari Sunao Madam?

I made a trip to Agra on the Mahatma's birthday. Nothing planned, just a leave-in-morning back-by-evening kind of outing prompted by a sudden wish on my dad's part to visit the Radhasoami Temple Complex. My great-grandfather had become a follower at some point in his lifetime and my father is a disciple by proxy. I don't as such ascribe to his faith but mean no disrespect either. Moreover, the elaborate carved marble patterns are breathtakingly beautiful and render the shrine a visual treat. The temple aspires to one day surpass the Taj Mahal in terms of its beauty and intricacy of design. And this is in spite of the fact that the temple has been under construction for over a 100 years- some say it is cursed- the most logical reason, though is an acute lack of funds. But all this in no way takes away the promised splendor of the holy place.

And since it is nearby, we decided to visit Fatehpur Sikri as well. I had very fond memories of the place courtesy a childhood vacation but the trip this time was nothing but disappointing. The entire area is in shambles and left to the local populace, which seems hell-bent on converting it from a World Heritage Site to a World Eye Sore Spot. At the entrance, goats were being fed by tourists. Not that there is anything wrong with feeding goats, but aren't there no rules as to what members of the animal kingdom are allowed to interact with humankind at monument doorways?

The red sandstone flooring burned and scorched our feet and in the name of convenience flimsy mats had been placed all around which I am sure had been left thread-bare thanks to the ever-nibbling goats.

The area enclosing the graves and tombs in the complex has been turned into a marketplace. The traders were selling chunnis and traditional offerings to be chadofyed at the Tomb of Salim Chisti; including promoting the whole dhaaga-bandho, mannat maango routine. Faith is the cheapest commodity in this country but it still is disturbing when people trade in it and that too atop dead ones. Lends a whole new meaning to the phrase 'someone just walked over my grave'.

It is sad and extremely disappointing that such famous tourist attractions have been allowed so carelessly to be left in ruins.

The most memorable thing about the trip was a question asked by a child at Sikri- "Shayari Sunao Madam?"
Or was the best thing the yummy besan laddoos which are distributed as prasad at the Radhasoami temple or the beaded necklace I bought at Fatehpur? I wonder.

The only thing I don't wonder about is whether I'll be making a return trip!