Hindi Ki Tangi

I come across this foot-board everyday and every time I wonder what these words mean. I also wonder why exactly my Hindi is so very poor. I could easily do a Googli and figure out the meaning but I kind of wanted to ascertain my depth of Hindi illiteracy and also to know how many fellow country men and women are as bad as I am, if not worse. So, if you happen to visit the blog and know the correct meaning of any of the words depicted above and listed below, do leave your comment and contribute towards my national tongue GK. Thanks in advance!


A showcase of my limited knowledge:


Steel Plate- This I know!
Phatte- I think wooden planks and not Chak de phatte.
Pallu- The sari wala Pallu?
Chali Balli- Did they mean Chalu Billi?
Kolam- No idea.
Pani Ka Drum- This I know know!
Jeene- Ladder, if me not wrong.
Lafa- One tight slap?


As you can see, any help will be highly appreciated.

Angrezi Khana Anyone?

This is an actual menu from a real restaurant at a place called Ayas, Turkey.

KUJUK AYAS FAMILY RESTRANT


INGLIZ MENUYU


SOAP


Ayas soap
Turkish tripte soap
Sheeps foot
Macaront
Water pies


EATS FROM MEAT


Deuner kepab with pi
Kebap with green pe
Kebap in paper
Meat pide
Kebap with mas patato
Samall bits of meat grilled
Almb chops


VEGETABLES


Meat in earthenware stev pot
Stfue goreen pepper
Stuffed squash
Stuffed tomatoes z
Stuffed cabbages lea
Leek with finced meat
Clery


SALAD


Brain salad
Cacik - a drink made ay ay
And cucumber


FRYING PANS


Fried aggs
Scram fried aggs
Scrum fried omlat
Omlat with brain


SWEETS AND RFUITS


Stewed atrawberry
Nightingales nests
Virgin lips
A sweet dish of thinsh of batter with butter
Banane
Meon
Leeches

Circa- 1986; Source- In Xanadu, William Dalrymple

Disclaimer!

What with Gulzar sahib being dragged into a controversy that I believe shouldn’t even exist in the first place, no one in this country seems to be creatively safe. Ibn Batuta Pehen Ke Joota, Nikal Pade Toofan Mein is the line that’s caused plagiarism charges to fly up and down, left and right. And Ibn Batuta, Bagal Mein Joota is the line that’s caused Hindi poet Sarveshwar Dayal Saxena to jump and twist in his grave. Somehow everyone seems to totally have overlooked the fact that Mr. Ibn Batuta did exist and that too non-controversially. Did he or did he not have a Joota, that’s the pertinent question to ponder over.


Anyway, what this little fracas has done is that it has made me realize that I am such a chor. Super-chor, in fact. I get inspired my some many quotes/expressions/phrases/sayings etc and these inspirations end up as titles or even sentences on my blog that I’m sure in the current let’s-give-credit-where-it’s-due atmosphere I’ll end up being beaten up by Rashtriya/AntarRashtriya Sahitya Sevak goons.


So, just so that I don’t end up in a dump or drain, I’m going to set the record straight and go ahead and express my heartfelt apologies to all those individuals to whom I may have caused irreparable harm, both knowingly or unknowingly. Additionally, I avow that no copywrite infringement was ever intended or unintended, and absolutely none whatsoever, zilch, financial gain is being made!


I am an Idiot- Are you?- To the team of Aamir, VVC and Rajkumar Hirani. And just to on the safe side, sorry Chetan too.


Back!- To my no-longer-there Yoga teacher.


Bow Wow- To the RHD and his doggy.


Shayari Sunao Madam?- To all the residents of Fatehpur Sikri including the goats.


No Kidding!- To Rakhi Sawant. Okay, strike that- no way am apologizing to her!


Aana Jaana- To the Gujjar community and as an extension to the Meenas.


Khel Khel Mein- To a lot of people here- MCD, CWG, CAG, CM SD, all the places and spots in Delhi- the list continues and so do my sorrys.


Kaminey- Dhan Te Nan!- Again, to loads of people- the entire creative of Kaminey. I am the biggest kamini!


A Sawaal of Crores- To Deepika Padukone and to Saif too- I apologize on behalf of my sister!


Bhainth of a Lifetime- To my weirdly-loving brother. If the comments are any indication, I got quite a lot of flak already.


Aai La! She-lie-a!- To Shiela Ma’am and her ideology.


Pic of the Year!- To the Pandit dudes.


Harry Potter and the Nostalgia of July- To Harry, J. K. Rowling and all the wizards and witches in the world.


A tale of 3 subzees- To Ghiya, Tori, Tinda, Parwal, Karela.


We Don’t Need No Reservation- To Pink Floyd. And no, no apologies to male politicians.


TPA- To the staff at Rockland Hospital.


AngLes and DeMoans- To the workers at Sangam theatre and the makers of “Kafann”.


Déjà Vu!- To the staff at Fortis Hospital.


Dung Ho!- To hyenas and their shit.


The thing is- did I even need to go through all this trouble? My blog is so very unknown, it may almost be non-existent in this big bad world where the words inspiration and copy can be used interchangeably. I think I’m gonna continue with the chori and bezaati, I don’t know any other form of writing and that’s the only thing I should be sorry about!

I am an Idiot. Are you?

This is to inform and educate all the dim-witted out there who haven't caught 3 Idiots yet, that they should go watch it immediately and promptly and proudly confirm their status as an Idiot.


This post is not about the merits of the film nor is it a review of the movie. Both the merits and reviews are aplenty and have already been discussed aplenty. What this post is about is my extreme happiness- happiness that I have been so right about the Hindi Film Industry. Of my belief in the "system".


The last year had been particularly path breaking- of experimental cinema, of young blood, of new visions, of varied themes, of veiled social messages, of the celebration of love and sexuality aaj kal, but most importantly of the appreciation of the viewer's mental faculties. Dev D, Gulaal, Delhi 6, Kaminey, Love Aaj Kal, Luck By Chance, New York, Paa, Rocket Singh, Wake Up Sid, 3 Idiots were all not the oh-so-typical Bollywood masala flicks. They were smart, slick, polished and professional packages. Arrival of world-class cinema at a theater near you?


It's time we understood and accepted that we make different movies; movies that suit the sensibilities of a billion plus Indians. And it is more important to remember that we'll get there. It takes time; everything does so why should the sensible movie-making business be any different? We are already seeing a resurgence of a new wave of cinema, akin to the one that permeated the Indian Film Fraternity in the 1970s to the 80s. It's not as dramatic and drastic as its 70-80s Parallel Cinema counterpart but is competitively hard-hitting and more in tune with commercial viability and the need to reach a plethora of audiences, not just a targeted viewer. It is made of people who have been brought up on movies; people who eat, drink, sleep cinema; people who understand not just the craft but the art of making films. So, even if such people make a few glitches on the path to glory, even if they stumble and slip on their way to stardom, even if they succeed in bringing only a quarter of the world to India's doorstep, so what? They'll ensure that the journey is memorable- and what's more, they'll take us along on this roller coaster.


So, why exactly am I an idiot? Simply because I believe- believe that even if Awl isn't well, Awl will be well. As they say Dil Idiot Hai, Pyaar Se Usko Samjha Le!


To an even brighter, bigger, brainier Bollywood in 2010! Amen!!!

Back!

No, I'm not giving a long-winded explanation for my absence from the blog world. What I am really giving is an account of a back-breaking pain that I had well, in my back.


It started yesterday and after prolonged pondering I have realized it was because the Yoga teacher made me do crocodile pose four, or was it five? All I know is that had I shed tears, they wouldn't have been crocodile ones. Just goes on to prove that humans shouldn't even think of competing with animals when we can't even pose like them without subjecting ourselves to intolerable pains and aches.


The unbearable agony resulted in making me look like a question mark. That's how way bent I was while trying to walk/crawl/sit/stand. Once I sat, I had no idea how I'd stand and once I stood I had no idea how I'd sit. Quite a lot of fun, all in all- believe me when every moment of your life becomes an all-encompassing mystery you do tend to enjoy it.


My favorite song these days happens to be Karvate badalte rahe saari raat hum or rather trying to karvate badlofy. Quite hummable and the song can be sung back to back during the entire process of turning on one's side. And oddly enough when after a lifetime you do manage to complete the elusive curve, by hanging on to a blanket, bedspread, bed sheet, brother, you congratulate yourself as if you've passed your endurance testing military task with flying colors. Talk about a twisted spine.


By the way, I am absolutely fine now. Ok, well, I am not a question mark anymore, more or less like a comma.


P.S. - Concerned and encouraging people- no apparent reason for staying away from the blog. I just have been plain old lazy, I guess. Posing like a possum in shav asaan.

Bow Wow

Tail of the Week

Once upon a time in the neighborhood of Vasant Kunj, two carefree sisters went out for their daily evening walk. A Rich, Handsome Dude was out too accompanied by his mean, vicious dog. The dog, being true to its evil nature, tried to attack the helpless sisters, but the RHD, being true to his heroic nature, pulled in the dog's rein in time and prevented any untoward incident. The sisters, after their cries of exclamation, were just about in the process of thanking their savior when he severely scolded his canine companion and shouted "Pagal Hai Kya Tu?". The sisters tried to curb their laughter but to no avail and they chuckled happily ever after.

Don't really know the end of the tale as couldn't stay back long enough to hear the dog's arguments!

Inspirational Messages!

I, like quite a few people, have been at the receiving end of particularly inspirational SMSs over the past few days:

From INLD

Sab ko bijli, paani, rozgar milega.
Haryana wasio ka bhavishy khilega.
Oct 13 ko Haryana me fir se khushhali laye.
Ainek pe buttton dabakar INLD ki sarkar banaye.

Haven't really been so very poetically inspired to vote before.

From Be Safe

This Diwali Save India from Fake Notes (Nakli Note).
Gift Fake Note Detector, Paper Shredder, Currency Counting Machine, Electronic Safe.

Haven't really been so very genuinely inspired to gift either!