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I had this conversation below, a few days back, with a very dear friend's hubby:

GagL: hey
can i ask for a favor?
me: sure
GagL: if u r not busy?
me: go ahead
GagL: has wifey mentioned any new friends recently like from her work?
me: naa
v hvnt talked abt her office
GagL: or has she mentioned some new acquaintances anywhere else?
me: naa- she hasn't
GagL: ok
one ques
did she have any boyfriends at school if u dont mind?
i mean was she a flirty type?
me: no- she wasnt
& naa she dint hv any boyfriends
not dat i know of
but i would hv known had she had any
GagL: ok
just wondering these days
me: i guess it's normal 2 wonder but really u hv nothing 2 worry abt
GagL: i guess i am getting paranoid
but
sometimes.......
one wonders..........
me: seriously GagL, pls put dis out of ur mind
nothing 2 worry abt
GagL: i can put things out of my mind
but my eyes cannot deceive
and neither can my ears
something is up
me: c'mon
i dont believe it
GagL: i didn't either
me: she really loves u
datz wat she says alwayz
GagL: but she really has a thing for men in power positions
i mean
men who have more influence than i
me: talk 2 her den
i don't know abt anything
GagL: and lately she has started acting moodily
and wants to spend more time in office
but nobody is there
i know it
the phone rings and nobody picks up
she comes home and claims she is not hungry
i know why
the other day i say a restaurant receipt in her purse
i am telling u
something is up
some guy named iqbal
she was even saying his name in her sleep i think
u sure she has not mentioned anything?
ok
in this time of crisis all have turned their backs......
that's ok
later
i will get to the bottom of this mess
once and for all
me: hey sorry- sum1 was @ my seat
i really hv no idea
i m sorry- i really don't know how can i b of help
GagL: marry me then....that will teach her a lesson

Oh yes, it took me all this while to realize that I was the butt end of quite an elaborate joke. Now, that I go through this little chitty-chat, I realize I should have picked up the nuances relatively early- first "power positions" & then "guy named iqbal" was a dead giveaway. Well, all I can say GagL, is that I whole-heartedly acknowledge your conniving abilities and am glad that I provided you such a wonderful opportunity to laugh your head and backside off.

Just wait till I get back!

And, you know what- I might just marry you, just so as to teach you a lesson!

Hi there!

It’s always nice to say a big Hi to one and all. Well, not to one and all- a big Hi is generally meant for only those special people who deserve it, who are close enough to understand the warmth behind the greeting, the love and affection behind the salute.

They are also the same people who will unconditionally forgive you even when you extend the courtesy after donkey years, who will warn you and perhaps sometimes threaten, though always good naturedly to keep in touch, who will break your neck and your nose when you do manage to meet them, again amicably of course but then to what extent does a broken nose underscore a benevolent disposition is open to debate.

Now these deserving few, as they exist, belong to different categories, varied domains and distinct time periods. They have become a part of my existence under diverse circumstances ranging from the mundane to the bizarre.

I have known some for years, since my school days, when those dreaded and disastrous red ribbons were excusable because they looked worse on them. These mates who still keep in touch (God bless their souls and may he never give them the ability to realize their mistakes- Amen) made me cognizant of so many things- of how to smell affairs- that is so say between teachers- a certain Mr. Tommy and Mrs. Daisy (both married- not to each other), of how a stream like Mathematics could be subjected to cramming, of how deserving students were taught the viciousness of life at such a tender age by denying them positions of responsibility, in other words by not being made prefects, of how these undeserving students who were made prefects subjected fellow humans to inhuman unspeakable tortures, of how it was okay to wear the same clothes for the entire week (for the record- I did not do this), of how every morning one learnt the lesson of humiliation in the form of weird and painful drills to the tune of Japanese enumeration and most importantly of how it was illegal and criminal to go AWOL, the possible exception being a death bed which of course wasn’t all that often.

A handful of acquaintances turned into lifelong relationships during the years I attended college. College life teaches you so much- the most important thing being unity- of bitching together, of attending classes together, of bunking classes together, of gossiping together, of falling for the same guy together, of getting through heart aches together, of bitching together, of 8 people eating a single dosa together, of skipping examinations together, of flunking subjects together, of experimenting on rats and frogs together, of bitching some more together.
Another very critical aspect highlighted during this period is the consequence of messing around with authority figures. Unity again figures prominently in this arena, when you, backed by well-wishers without doubt, incessantly crib about everything and anything. The result of this innocent and harmless blabbering is that it reaches the ears of the commanding personality whose not necessarily just ears were being talked about. What follows is a harrowing, agonizing, distressing, excruciating, nerve-racking and terrifying period of subsistence that is worth chronicling and of also easily being recommended for the Guniess book of world records.

Enter the workplace- suddenly the dynamics of friendship change- but do they, really? Technically, associations in the workplace are meant to be a little restrained, a tad formal. But then I’ve never really been strong technically so all cautions, considerations and inhibitions were easily thrown out of the 5th (now 6th) floor window. Amity in the professional environment involves preparing each other for future interviews, spending endless hours in and around the canteen, trying to learn to play the guitar in organized free guitar classes and failing miserably, participating in company wide competitions and failing miserably again, sending bulk and junk mails and consequently being forever marked a felon by the HR department, happily organizing lunch/dinner treats, drinking gallons of horrible beverages in the break-out area, criticizing the company’s policies, censuring the Manager for even breathing, relishing office gossip (there exists no immunity for the bitching virus) and finally helping one another sometimes with something referred to as work.

Some bloke once said “What’s in a name?” I’d like to believe quite a lot and hence I like to give my friends names and no it’s not the same thing as calling them names. It’s just meant to be a little less rude. So I know a ‘jhelu’, an ‘amma’, a ‘squeaker’, a ‘salo’, a ‘casper’, a ‘pretto’, a ‘flakes’, a ‘cyclops’, a few ‘rajputs’ and lots of ‘jerks’.
These terms of endearment could mean a lot of things for e.g.:

• You have an atrocious or mediocre or irrelevant appellation. Please change it.
• It is irksome and perplexing, not to mention embarrassing to be affiliated with someone with such a nomenclature. Please change it.
• It appeases my ego to address you such, so I have changed your label as per my convenience and that’s that. Please learn to live with it.

Despite all that’s there to friendship and its associated complications, I think I cannot thank each and every buddy of mine ever- completely and fully. For putting up with my idiosyncrasies, my tastes and my ideas, for being the first to make that opening remark which probably you knew would never have come from my side, for patiently listening me narrate stories from books/movies/TV serials (I promise someday I’ll narrate my own story- not that actually anyone is waiting for it- but we’ll leave it at that for the time being) and for always being there whenever, wherever, however required. So, just in case you thought I had forgotten all about it- HI!